


The Dearly Departed

by SamuelJames



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-01 19:22:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/360357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuelJames/pseuds/SamuelJames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim's missing his mom at Christmas</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dearly Departed

**Author's Note:**

> Title: The Dearly Departed  
> Pairing: Jim/Bones  
> Rating: 18+/NC-17 for swearing  
> Summary: Jim's missing his mom at Christmas  
> Notes: Written for space_wrapped with the prompt Jim loves, loves, LOVES Christmas, because it's the only time of year that he reliably gets to see his mother. Now that she is dead, he doesn't know if he can handle it.  
> Disclaimer: Star Trek is the creation of Gene Roddenberry. It belongs to Paramount and JJ Abrams. No copyright infringement is intended.  
> Archiving Information: Please do not archive elsewhere on the net.

Bones missed his daughter often so he appreciated these video calls where he got to see her and talk to her. They were far away from Earth this year but he’d double properly promised, with some weird salute Joanna had insisted on, that they’d be back for her birthday. Wishing her a Happy Christmas he passed the call over to Jim so he could talk for a while. Jim sat in the chair Bones had just vacated.

“Hi, Jim.”

“Hi, Jo, how are you?”

She thought for a moment “I’m excited cos of Christmas but sad at my dad being away. Are you looking after him?”

Jim nodded, “yes I am. We’re going to have our dinner and presents on the Enterprise and we’ll bring you your presents for your birthday.”

“Birthday and Christmas presents?”

That made Jim smile, “yeah, don’t worry we won’t forget.”

“Are you okay Jim? Your eyes look sad shiny like when someone wants to cry.”

“I’m okay, Jo, just missing my mom today.” It didn’t matter that it had been four months now, in the last few days it had all seemed to come back full force.

“It’s okay to be sad. Like when I miss my dad I have my mom and when dad misses me he has you. I bet daddy would be nice to you if he knew you were sad.”

“He is nice to me, Jo, most of the time.”

She moved out of view for a minute and when she reappeared she held up some of her toys so Jim could see what she got for Christmas. Then as children tend to do she switched topics again. “If you marry daddy will you be my dad too?”

Jim was surprised, “I’d be your stepdad but we haven’t decided to get married.”

“You will sometime cos that’s what people do when they love someone. I have ta go now for to get dressed. Try not to be too sad about your mom.

“Okay, Jo, Happy Christmas.”

Bones stood behind Jim and waved goodbye.

“Bye, Jim. Bye, daddy.”

Bones put his hand on Jim’s shoulder, “smart girl my daughter.”

“She really is, things are so clear cut at that age.”

“It’s okay to miss your mom. If you want to do something or talk about her I’m here.”

He turned around to look at his partner, it had been Bones who’d gotten him through the initial grief and held him when the tears finally came. “I just wished we’d fixed things properly. Wherever she was, she always came back for Christmas. She’d have these brilliant gifts from all over the galaxy. One Christmas she gave me this viewscreen that had pictures of different planets and their star charts. I was obsessed with finding out more after that. It was great getting to see her, she’d spoil us and then disappear again. I loved waiting for her arrival though. I would have been about eight when they did that 21st century revival thing. Mom was really into the big dinner thing so even when the trends changed we still had our dinner. Frank was on his best behaviour with her around. It was fucked up but she kept me safe. I know psychology has changed a lot but apparently lots of women have a type. I hate to think he was anything like my father."

"Trust you to find some old text and pick the one part that would feed your insecurities. One theory was that women whose fathers were abusive would then marry an abusive man because that’s the example they’ve been set. It still happens sometimes, a lifetime of conditioning is hard to break but it’s not set in stone. George Kirk was a hero, nothing like that bastard. Frank just probably saw her vulnerability.”

“It’s so weird to miss him when I never knew him. I used to wish he’d come back, that it was all a mistake. If you could see the fucking stories I came up with of how he might have survived. I’m pathetic.” Jim wiped his eyes.

Bones hugged him and then led him to the couch so they could both sit. Some of this was old ground but he’d let Jim talk it out as often as he needed to. “Ain’t pathetic to want to know him. Jim, don’t put yourself down. You go from singing your own praises to talking crap about yourself so quickly. Can’t keep doing that forever.”

“You hear something everyday it’s hard not to believe it. Fuck, it’s Christmas didn’t want to get into all this. After she left Frank I knew she felt guilty, could hardly stand to be around me and Sam. She was there but not if you know what I mean, like strangers living in the same house. It was starting to change though. Last year we talked for ages after dinner and I told her how I felt. Told her how I’d missed her and resented her. She talked a bit about my dad, how lost she felt when he died. I could see it from her side for the first time. The weird thing is he’s perfect in my head. Never met him so we never had a chance to fight. There’s no reason to assume we would have gotten along but I think we would have. He was quite ambitious too. Other Spock said that his Jim knew his dad and I just wondered why I couldn’t have gotten that life. Of course then I wouldn’t be here with you. I can never be glad my dad died but I’m glad to have met you.” 

Bones gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile. He couldn’t wish George Kirk dead either yet he wouldn’t be without Jim for anything. He took Jim’s hand offering comfort with the simple touch.

“As an adult I can see why she was distant with me, my dad had just died. I used to wonder why she spent so much time off-planet. I thought it was me but she was probably grieving. I’d talk about my dad and she’d get upset. Sometimes she’d be sad but other times she’d talk about him so I’d keep asking in case it was one of the days she felt like talking. Probably made it worse for her.

"You know, I think she wanted me to follow in his footsteps and yet not at the same time. It’s little things like that I can’t ever ask her about because it’s too late. I was so angry at Starfleet because of my dad and for taking my mom away so often but now that I’m here I can see why they loved it. The thrill of this job is amazing. I love it but there’s a reason nobody goes straight to being in command. I’ve never supervised a team before. Without you, the bridge crew and Scotty I couldn’t have done it.

"I know I’m allowed to be sad but I need to prove to Starfleet and this crew that I deserve this job. I miss my mom but I’m not the only one on this ship who’s grieving. Lots of our crew lost friends and roommates because of Nero. Ensign Walsh lost her brother. Many of them have lost more than one person. My grief is not any more important than theirs and as Spock will tell you the Captain cannot be emotionally compromised.”

“In here you’re Jim, my best friend, my boyfriend. You’re not on duty so just let it go. If you don’t it’ll eat you up, you already know that. I don’t want to see you suffer. It’s true that other crew members are grieving and that we’ve seen some awful things but that doesn’t mean not acknowledging your own grief. A certain amount of I’m glad to be alive is a good thing but just because you have it better than many people doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look for more. When did I first kiss you?”

Jim was surprised by the change of topic but his mind flashed back to that quick hurried kiss. “After we got Pike back and you’d stabilised him.”

“We were lucky that day and I didn’t want to regret never taking that chance with you. You’re a great Captain and I love that you care about this crew but I’m going to get you focusing on yourself too. After all it would be logical to deal with your emotions rather than suppressing them,” he said in a bad imitation of Spock.

“Thanks for today, I’m glad you listened to all my crap and didn’t run a mile.”

“Missing your parents is not crap Jim. It’s normal and I’ll always listen.”

“It’s just the thoughts of never having another Christmas with her. I can’t change what we had but she’s still my mom. Whatever else she did, even when we were fighting she was always out there somewhere. I’ll never have that chance to make things right.”

Bones wiped away the few tears from Jim’s face. “Grief isn’t something that’s done and dusted. It’s always going to sneak up on you around holidays and when something reminds you of the people you lost. I can’t fix things but when it gets hard just talk to me.”

Jim stood up and seemed to actively compose himself. He felt better able to face dinner with the crew having gotten some of his thoughts out. He wouldn’t be the only one putting on a brave face but he’d lead by example, after all Christmas should be a fun occasion. “We need to get you home for next Christmas Bones. I know you got to talk to Jo but kids remember that stuff forever.”

“What about her other daddy?”

Jim’s eyes widened at the implied question but still afraid this might be all some elaborate hoax he had to make a joke, “this better not be your way of telling me Jocelyn’s getting re-married.”

Bones shook his head, “so how about it? Joanna thinks we should. I know I’m a grumpy divorced dad, not an attractive prospect but you’re great with Jo and things are going well with us.”

Jim smiled, “I’ll allow you the grumpy part but believe me attractiveness is not an issue. Would have gone crazy without you. I always saw us as long-term but I figured you’d been put off the idea of weddings.”

It was Bones’ turn to smile now, “so we’ve established that communication isn’t our strong point but did I hear a yes in there somewhere?”

“Yep, can’t take it back now. I’d love to be your husband.”

Bones pulled Jim forward and kissed him, “dinner’s not for another half hour.”

Soft kisses became more urgent as they began undressing each other and fell into bed, Jim literally so as his trousers were still pooled around his ankles. So they hadn’t had an idyllic Christmas but both of them would tell you, if asked, that it had turned out pretty damn good.


End file.
